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I’ve compiled these statistics about children and divorce for the I’ll believe it when I see it type of people who don’t accept anything as true unless it’s from a credible source or it’s been PROVEN in a convincing study.
If you are NOT one of these people, you need to read this anyway.
These days most people accept divorce as a way of life, completely unaware of the damage they are doing to their children. Tell your friends, acquaintances and co-workers to read these shocking statistics about divorce and children. It may help save a child’s life down the road. (And no, I’m not figuratively speaking either.just keep reading to find out what I mean.)
The Rising Statistics of Divorce and Children
1. Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.
(Furstenberg, Peterson, Nord, and Zill, Life Course)
2. Among the millions of children who have seen their parents divorce, one of every 10 will also live through three or more parental marriage breakups.
(The Abolition of Marriage, Gallagher)
3. Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. (Wade, Horn and Busy, Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997)
4. Of all children born to married parents this year, fifty percent will experience the divorce of their parents before they reach their 18th birthday.
(Fagan, Fitzgerald, Rector, The Effects of Divorce On America)
The EMOTIONALLY Damaging Effect – Statistics of divorce and children
5. Studies in the early 1980’s showed that children in repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around.
(Andrew J. Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage Harvard University Press 1981)
6. Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year.
(Peter Hill Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 1993)
7. Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems.
(Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment Sage Publications, 1988)
These statistics about children and divorce are pretty shockingaren’t they? The DEATH of a parent is LESS devastating to a child than a DIVORCE. (Even I wouldn’t believe this if I didn’t see the statistic myself.)
The PHYSICALLY Damaging Effects – Statistics of divorce and children
8. Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married.
(Dawson, Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well Being National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)
9. Following divorce, children are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families.
(Angel, Worobey, Single Motherhood and Children’s Health)
10. Children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from broken homes.
(Dawson, Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well-being Journal of Marriage and the Family)
I can’t stress how important it is to know all the facts before you get a divorce. Your child’s life is in your hands. If you’re seriously considering divorce and you haven’t attempted to save your marriage, I’ve just given you 18 reasons why it’s at least worth a try to keep your family together.
[...] Divorce is more disrupting to children than death [...]
[...] Among the millions of children who have seen their parents divorce, one of every 10 will also live through three or more parental marriage [...]
[...] has there been more divorced parents than married. it takes a quick internet search to find that over 50% of children have divorced parents. in fact, some websites state that 50% of children born to married parents will see them divorce by [...]
[...] Bilotta, Larry. 10 Shocking Statistics about Children and Divorce. Message posted to World Village, archived at http://worldvillage.com/10-shocking-statistics-about-children-and-divorce [...]
[...] should learn about also…. e.g. a LOT of kids come from broken families – 1 in 2 kids in the USA 10 Shocking Statistics about Children and Divorce – where's the attention for them and discussion on their behalf? Children from broken homes are [...]
[...] experiences told to me by many others over the years is "ignorant and short sighted?" 10 Shocking Statistics about Children and Divorce Yes it is. This link was found in the first 2 seconds of googling, and I'm sure there is much more [...]
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I am a male child of divorce with a sister. Once we were grown I was able to see how greatly we were affected by our parents' divorce. I'm working on a book about marriage bc I want to help save marriages too! My book is more about men in marriage. Share your story via
address@removed.This is coming from a 15 year old girl, mind you. - My mother had oral cancer for over a year and passed away when I was 6 years old. About three years ago, I found out that my mom and dad were not getting along very well and were planning on getting divorced before she was diagnosed. And honestly, I would MUCH rather have my parents gotten a divorce than to have my mom disappear from my life after only six years. I barely remember her, I forget what she sounded like and my dad dealt with it even worse, drinking way too much. Sorry, but some of your statistics sound like utter bull shit. That's just my opinion. At least the children who go through divorces still know the sound of their parents' voices and it is physically possible to see, touch, smell, and speak to them. No matter how much the divorce upsets you or confuses you, someone is still there. And if your relationship with your parent(s) is bad because of the divorce, at least there will always be the opportunity to fix it if both sides try. I think these statistics are disrespectful, at least acknowledge that kids with dead parents need psychological help just as much, if not more, than them, because death is a horrible thing, too.
I think having a living parent that stabbed you in the back would be much worse than a dead parent who you still have respect for. When they die there is a chance to "move on" with your life. If they are alive, it tortures you , because you want to be with them so much, but on the other hand you want to disown them so they can't hurt you anymore. This struggle does nothing but destroy relationships you have with other family members.
You need to read the book "Emotional BS" by Alasko & then adjust your post accordingly. Lets take a close look at what you told us: - mother died of oral cancer. This is unfortunate for both you & your father. Did she smoke? If so, then your mother died directly as a result of her own poor choices. - six years after her death, you found out about relationship difficulties between your parents. This is unfortunate & absolutely none of your direct business. She is dead, that relationship is now over. = "honestly" 15 year olds like to do this. Adding the word "honestly" or "seriously" does not magically increase any merit in your argument. - "I would MUCH rather have" Your preferences in someone else's relationship or your feelings about that relationship are superfluous. It was not your relationship. She is dead, that relationship is over. - Dad drinking way too much This is unfortunate. Your father is self-medicating with alcohol to deal (actually not deal) with the past. It is not helpful to him. You could help him move on by concentrating on the here & now. She is dead, that relationship is over. Concentrate on the here & now. No one can compete with this "perfect memory". - "I barely remember her" AND you are judging your father based on the distorted memory of a six year old toddler? Read the book, this is "Emotional Bullshit" at its worst. - complete denial of statistics. Burying your head in the sand changes nothing. Read the book: "The Evil Gene" by Barbara Oakley. You will come to an understanding about how & why people do this (not just you). - "statistics are disrespectful" No, statistics are mathematical summaries of "objective reality". What actually is, the way things work. It may be "politically incorrect" to disagree with a woman but it is not "disrespectful". At 15, know that your mental faculties are still developing. Something that will finish at about 25..27 years old. Being female & growing up in Western society, you are encouraged by the media to behave in a Borderline Psychotic way. Read the DSM-IV ("Diagnostic Statistical Manual", a psychiatrist's text book) on Cluster-B Character disorders. Take a good look at how you behave, what you have written. Your mother is dead, that is unfortunate. What is important now is how you treat yourself & your father. Their relationship is something that you cannot comment about. Do not start making your mother into the ultimate victim (who no one can question, so all of your comments are confabulation & creative writing). You have a lot of reading to do which would actually help you & strengthen your character, I am sure your mother would have wanted that from her daughter. You could also benefit from a strong positive female role model (an aunt, teacher, or therapist). But know this honey, there is nothing "disrespectful" & no "bull" in these numbers. These are just the facts. Accept the facts & seek out what you (& your Dad) need to move forward, to thrive, & to not become a statistic.
I think you using you're life as a typical example. That may not be true, maybe you're case isn't typical.
Just popping in for a second, as this article came up in a research log for a paper I'm working on. Amazing to see the debate still raging in its forums 5 years later. My comment was going to be that it is true that many studies do collate divorce with psychological trauma, and subtle effects lasting into adulthood, the numbers quoted in this article are way off. 50% divorce rate in America? 40% of children being raised without their fathers? What on Earth is the sample size to have created these figures? Sure, in my own home, between my roommate and I, 50% of us don't have our fathers, but among my peers and in my school growing up, I recall that I was only one of maybe three people in a non-traditional family setting all the way up to my graduation. So, curious about the study, I did a little number crunching and checked against the US Census, where the pool for the study is, ya know, everyone. Its a pretty commonly quoted statement that half of all marriages in the US end. I'm assuming that's where the first quote came from that 50% of children would witness a divorce? This is a bit of a misnomer, as only 41% of first marriages end in divorce. A higher percentage of second and third marriages also end in divorce, a number that could bring the percentage closer to 50%, but among people for whom marriage seems an unstable option anyway. Either way, 59% of first marriages continue on successfully. More stunning, I thought, was the fact that 66% of all recorded divorces are CHILDLESS. If only a third of divorces have kids, how are we getting this 50% figure? Is that 1/3 of failed marriages hogging all the babies or something? The studies listed also neglect to mention that 72% of black children live in divorced or single parent households, a fact linked to how divorce rates are substantially higher in areas with lower average incomes or higher crime rates and lower quality of living. One has to ask, then, if Divorce is the disease or the symptom, and to that question, I have no answer. Despite the fact that divorce does cause trauma in the young mind, I would argue that it does less than witnessing dysfunction or abuse in the household, and unless the failing marriage can remain amicable, it is still better to separate than to subject a child to a negative environment.
I would argue that it does less than witnessing dysfunction or abuse in the household. Emotional arguments are not a valid tool for making such a statement. What you need to do is poll & interview the children involved & be prepared to do follow up studies. OH, but wait.. that was already done & published in 2005. The conclusion of that work was that in all measurements.. - children of happy marriages did well. - children of high conflict marriages did OK. - children of divorce did worse. The second thing that needs to be absolutely qualified is the term "abuse". Physical abuse is unacceptable, but alas the highest perpetrator of physical abuse (at 43% or more) are MOMSTERS. Slap-happy women are abusive. Emotional abuse included exposure to the perpetual berating comments from women trying to maximize their victim status. This is often lost. Of course, in many jurisdictions, simply disagreeing with a woman is labelled "emotional abuse". So either you will have to get your data directly from those involved & quantify it in an unbiased way (already done) or fold to feminists & start accepting that 2 + 2 = 5. Maybe just ignore the crazies & live a happier life.
Remember this. Parents are usually the last to see that something is wrong with their child, because the children try to hide their problems from parents as a result of the parents problems constantly being drug up and causing fights. If I were you I would start saving my money just incase my child needs mental help as a young adult. My father says that their is nothing worse than watching your grown child suffer from mental problems that you and the other parent may have caused.
Selfish, psychologically disturbed WOMEN. For the great majority of divorces initiated by women claiming "he was abusive".. get off your high horses & put away your Golden Uterus Syndrome. My own marriage devolved into a parent-child relationship because of my wife's untreated adult ADHD-pi, OCD, ODD, BiPolar & Borderline issues. Try to live with a scatter brained moody disruptive woman. The kids now live with her in her pig-pen, their school marks have plummeted, she is forever attempting alienation. THIS is the common fact. These women are damaged to begin with. When psychologists stop framing the situation making the women "innocent victims" then the actual dynamics become crystal clear. Yes, either avoid these ladies or medicate them into compliance because they are damaging individuals to all that have to interact with them (& they are usually fat too).
it's people like you who make women want a divorce in the first place. i lived in an abusive household caused by a father... so maybe, instead of blaming it on the sex of the parent, a slightly more neutral approach should be taken. i could call it "Golden Testicles Syndrome". Offended? i'm sure you're not toally innocent here either. my mom left because of abuse. and i refuse to believe the facts you stated to be "common". i hope you have a daughter, and have the common sense to have a little self-reflection here... how would you feel if your daughter split from her husband, and he said all of those hurtful things? and then, as if to top it all off like a sexist pig, called her fat? i bet you aren't a prime physical specimen yourself. jesus christ, its people like you and my father that make me never want to get married.
i refuse to believe the facts Thats the problem. Read "The Evil Gene" by Barbara Oakley to understand the neuroscience behind your inability to deal with objective reality. Read "Emotional BuII$ht " by Alasco to understand exactly what you (& 90% of females) just did.. Deny the facts, defer or delude & then changed the argument. ANYTHING but take responsibility for your own actions. Go talk with the medical community (doctors of both gender).. You will discover how DAMAGED you are as a life form. As far as make me never want to get married Thanks for doing the planet a favor.
did you decide that women were inferior before or after your marriage? If it was before then you are a hypocrite for marrying yourself. If it was after then you're basing your judgement of half the human population on one woman that had mental problems. Either way your logic is faulty. One might go so far to say that your hatred of women is a way to deal with your own problems that arose from such a bad marriage. When you can provide legitimate proof that women are mentally inferior on a major scale, are viewed by pyschologists as 'innocent victims', and do in fact need medication to be able to participate in society as functional humans then you can come argue. By the way according to statehealthfacts.org in 2010 71.2% of males were overweight or obese compared to 57.0% of women. Stop making irrelevant assumptions to back your faulty logic-it doesn't do you any favors.
I think parents need to start thinking more about how the decisions they make affect their children. Here is something I realized while on co-op at a company. NONE of the other co-ops I knew had divorced parents, only me. Then I thought about my fellow college classmates and not one came to mind that lived as part of a divorced family/ single parent family. If the divorce rate in this country is 50% there should be way more students with divorced/single parent families. I did some research and children from single parent/ divorced home were A LOT less likely to be matriculated to college. The ones who are matriculated pay A LOT more of the college cost. These things are fact and undeniable. So for those who just can't get along and abuse isn't involved go to a counselor and work it out. If you sit down and think about it, how many friends did you have bad arguments with growing up, but you still stayed friends. Heck that person might even be your best friend today. If we can work bad arguments out with friends and coworkers then why can't we do the same when children are involved?
Wow, there's a lot of hate in the comments below. As a student of psychology at a university I can assure all you doubters that these findings and studies are legitimate and you need to stop fooling yourselves. I hate divorce so much that I'm entering the marriage and family counseling field to help prevent it. To all the people who think that a separation from a difficult marriage would be better for the kids than staying together, you are simply wrong. There is no such thing as a marriage that can't be fixed (except in cases of abandonment, adultery, or abuse). The others need to get off their high horse, stop being so selfish, get over your problems with each other, start taking responsibility for your faults, and start raising your children the right way! Showing them how to repair a relationship is WAY more beneficial than giving up! Don't you understand that as soon as a child enters the picture, the primary concern of every parent is making sure they grow to be a healthy, productive, adult member of society? They're a HUMAN BEING!!!! Now don't screw it up! Your happiness, your finances, your social life, your wants, your time, your whole life is all for your kids. That doesn't mean giving them everything they want, but doing what is absolutely best for them. My parents never separated, but I have a dozen friends who come from broken families, including my wife of two years. Yes, I saw my parents argue now and then, but the greatest thing they ever taught me was how to love your spouse and be selfless because they always made up! What is this nation coming to? Stop fooling yourselves into thinking that your divorce isn't affecting your children. Stop ignoring the problems and fix them. Any two people can have a great marriage if love and selflessness (and especially God) rule their lives instead of their own desires. Now STAY TOGETHER for the sake of the kids.
John Smith, you are ridiculous. I can't believe the awful comments you've made about people who are just trying to put their own experiences into perspective. Yes, you may have been hurt by people a few times in your life.. but as you say, you have got a new opportunities. So just get on with them, and stop chastising everybody and comparing your situation to theirs. Each divorce is different, and personal. I'm from a broken home, where my mother left when I was 6. I've had a few problems, but I know that people from very stable home have some problems too. The divorce was raw, and the thing that hurts me most is that my dad was hurt by my mother's adultery. We are all always working our ways through life, ups and downs. That's how it goes. Try being a little more careful and less mean with your comments.
apologies for bad grammar *'you have got new opportunities' *'people from very stable homes' p.s. John, I do feel for you. I just think you should be a little more empathetic and less judgemental
Janet, I would have to agree with you on this. John Smith I would like to recognize your situation and say that I hope it all turns out favorably even for your children. However every situation is different, my father took the college fund account that my grandmother left me with whatever he could and took off. Now my relationship to my father before this was perhaps not the same as with your current children, but I love my father greatly but the way he left and the things that he did to my mother (cheated, fraud, theft) well, it was not right. Women cannot always be blamed, though in some cases they should, but when one person tries to mae it work and the other does not then it is just going to fall apart. I can tell you though that even a divorce at a later age is hard, and leaves problems, and to confirm above facts; I too think it wold have been better if my father died then walked out because at least he did not choose to die, and he did not choose to leave. John, I hope you can find that better place and let the wounds heal, as I hope they will heal for everyone that goes through this. Good luck John, and you as well Janet.
My parents divorced when I was 11 in 1989. I don't think that the divorce effected me as much as what happened after. I was sent to live with my mother who for some reason felt that moving us at least 60 miles every 8-10 months (to chase a man) was acceptable. This prevented me from forming any long lasting friendships which in turn left me with no one to confide in. I slipped deep into depression which caused me to accumulate a resume of speratic employment, distrust in EVERYONE, and a want to rebel against ALL authority. I might have a different outlook if my mothers reasons for leaving my father were more than just "I was not happy anymore". Heres some news for you parents....YOUR HAPPINESS MEANS JACK AND S@#T NEXT TO YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES AS A PARENT. So, please if you are not a victim of spousal abuse, do your freakin job and take care of your kids.
part of me agrees.. part not. My wife left me. Perhaps I was not a model father, but i was certainly in top 20%. Never cheated, never ignored them, I mean my kids are my world. Now i face the situation where i have no say where they go on holidays, which schools to take, my own kids abuse me as I am not the one feeding them... ... fuk it. I will leave them all. I do not want to be associated with my wife, anything to do with her. She has destroyed me, left me when i ha d no job, left me to talk to her friends, to my ex friends who left me too of course, it took me years to get back to normal, trips to temples, india, monks, me, karma - and you know - i finally got it. My fault is that i was naive enough to fall in love with an evil person (who later told me that she never loved me). But this is where my fault ends. I am now dropping all contact with the family, and I told her about it - and of course now her panic button hits, but guess what - its too late. I have me a wonderful new woman, and there is potential for love there. Its early stages, but i realised that I can rebuild my life - but what i need is freedom from my past. I left them the house, 10 years of my hard work. Let them have it - but let me now have my freedom. If my wife would want - she can fuk off, leave the house to me and the kids, and she can go soul searching in thailnd or whatever she wants. Lets see how she copes to be away from kids, how she understands that she is no longer welcome in the house, home. i would be happy with that. I would have my family (what does she think i want to do now... just fuk around?... now I want a new family... i am eager for that feeling, to carry a baby, to love a child... change nappies, take the sheets when they are puked all over, to know that there is someone there that i can committ to). Well fuk this - my old family is gone. Its old. I no longer want to do anything with them, so please do not blame fathers like me, for losing - out of choice - all the contact with my kids. PS as the reminder that they exists i did myself a tattoo of them, like angleina jolie. :) i will not speak to them again, but i must be reminded everyday, that they are there walking, and my new wife to be, she should know that too, for as soon as she makes the same mistake as my ex wife (she will not of course.. as the mistake was mine in chosing her in the first place, despite my parents, friends advice), but should she also turn out to be evil.. well.. her kids will just be another coordinated on my hand.
I am sorry to say this but John that is the biggest load of BS that i have ever heard in my entire life. It doesn't matter what happened between you and your ex-wife. It has nothing to do with you two anymore. All it has to do with is the children. There is no need to get rid of your old family and start a new family. You can get re-married all you want and even have more kids but that doesn't mean that you have to leave your kids behind. I am a single mother of 3 daughters and my two youngest father has NOTHING to do with them. He has made his claims on why he has nothing to do with them but they are all just excuses. Your children are going to be the ones that suffer just as mine are doing now. I get asked the questions all the time about why they don't have a daddy, and why doesn't he love them, and so forth. We lived not even a mile away from him and he couldn't come visit them. He was more than welcome at my house whenever he wanted to see the kids. I put my hard feelings (he used to abuse me physically and mentally) aside so that the girls could have their father in their life. I gave him the option of staying at my house on his weekends to see the kids and everything but no it wasn't good enough. His partying and chasing women was what mattered most to him! But if you are truly going to do something like forget your old life and children, than you are just a chicken shit that needs to grow up! You both need to realize that y'alls feeling do not matter anymore, the only thing that matters is that your children know that you both love and care for them and will be there for them NO MATTER WHAT!!
Wrong. How do 'broken homes' lead to asthma? "mummy, where's daddy? I can no longer breathe!" What a load of crap.
You are retarded. I am wasting my time on you. Astma is predominantly affected by stress, nerves, anxiety - in essence everything that divorce represents for a small child, who is still at the phase of being a little unsecure animal. You take away a father (or mother) from a little child, and they will immediately for a super strong bond with the remaining parent - out of fear of being rejected and losing their only guardian.
Actually this is caused by allergens. Take the ADHD-pi "single mother" pig who never did any housework.. add a few cats.. add mommy dearest's neglect to vacuum & keep the place clean.. mix in trauma to the kids by the sow trying every trick to alienate Dad (who did all the housework) AND THEN yes.. You will start to see respiratory issues in the kids. Divorce didn't cause it.. neglect from the custodial mother does (and she is usually fat).
Wrong
Nathan, if it is not to do with psychological effects then its the logical fact that on average divorce leaves a lot of single parents who will on average earn considerably less than a family with two parents. Now this lack of finance which often pushes family's below the poverty line will simply correlate to worse health, standards of living and worse education.
when looking for divorce advice for men ...check out http://www.dadsdivorce.com. they have the resources necessary to answer all of your concerns.
So I have read many of the posts on here. I have 2 children. I have a son who is 4 weeks old and another son who is 5 years old. Many of you are talking about the effects on your children at the young ages of around 4 and 5. The children may seem fine in those young ages. They may be well adjusted as well. But what about when they get older into their teen years up into their adult years? My parents divorced when I was around 11. I lived with my mom and my dad was not in the picture after the split up. Ive had to go through counseling and have had psychological problems due to my dad walking out. Ever since, I have had problems trusting and connecting with men. As my psychologist has told me, I have problems trusting men out of fear they would leave like my own dad did. Now, my 2 children are having to grow up in a broken home and I have seen the effects on my 5 year old. His dad and I havent been together since my son was 3 months old. He doesnt attach himself to men very easily. He had talked to me personally about seeing the neighbor kid with their dad and asked where his dad was and asked what he did wrong for his daddy to be gone. Then I met an amazing man last year that changed my outlook on men, atleast temporarily. Trusted him like I had never trusted any man. We were together for about a year. He took my 5 year old and made him his own and loved him like he loved his 2 yr old. Then I got pregnant and he walked out when I was 6 months pregnant. But he still to this day takes my 5 yr old every other weekend as if he was his own and now takes my 5 yr old and our newborn son every other weekend. The downfall to the entire thing is...Every child deals with it in their own way but somewhere down the line at one point in their life they are going to experience the effects of growing in a single family home. Every person is different but there is usually 1 thing in a persons life, experiences, problems, etc that stemmed from being a child in a home with 1 parent.
I feel sorry for you. Clearly your amazing man was not so amazing if he walked out on you when you were 6m pregnent. He was an asshole, and sooner you admit this to yourself and to your kids the better. I would stop your sons contact with him, as your son deserves a much better father figure than that... even if it is the father of the neighbours son, or the movie celebrity. Luckily we are surrounded by examples today. I am going through the divorce now, and I am about to walk out on my kids, despite loving them like nobody else. They do not even know about this, but if my wife pushes for this divorce - and she has absolutely no grounds for it apart from her own fuked up personality, well i will have no choice, for my sake, and partially even for the sake of the kids, to just walk away. She calls all the shots, she plans holidays, she sends them to the schools she wants, she tells them what is right and what is wrong, they are now atheists because that the view she has... I mean i do not want to take a responsibility for a guaranteed failures! I have no chance to compete, and I will (already was) be abused by the kids just as much she abused me for seven years, until I lost the job and there was nothing for me to give (since then i recovered of course, and i am now more successful then I ever dreamed off - but hey... the scares remain). So I am just about to leave a USD4m house to her (as i have nothing else... just like any good father i wanted a great house etc), and she can staff it. She is alrady telling me how she plans to enjoy her freedom, fuk basically every guy that wants to, well i do not need or want to know this. Franly i do not want to have anything to do with her, her kids (also my kids), I want them to change my name, leave me. I give them all i had, and i just want to be free, and offer my love, my emotions to someone who can really appreciate it. It took me years to come to this point, unemployment, student accomodation, and you know... I got there. So BEFORE YOU JUDGE FATHERS, ALL OF YOU, FIRST TRY TO FIND OUT LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT THE MOTHERS, as 75% of divorces are lead by woman who simply desire a harder fuk, or a more romantic fuk, or more powerful fuk from a man with more money, more power, more dik. Thats totally true, and you are then thinking why are 33% of dads never calling you or the kids again? Well why should I? This chapter is over. Take the kids, take the house, take the money, take my friends (i lost half of them easily as they chose to be "neutral"), but leave me to me. Fathers - try your best to be good as kids are better with fathers, but when you get fuked by your wife, do try to wake up at some point. Your kids will understand - as you are NOT THE ONE TO BLAME.
look at yourself... this is exactly why the page is directed toward men... it doesn't say that women are never the problem though.
I really enjoy how your whole attitude is "if it has a penis, then it's right". duuuuude, come on. i would love to have you for a therapy session and address some clear women-hating issues you have. and did you find that article about "women wanting a harder fuk" on a legitimate website or...? you are laughable. you are a joke. and your attitude towards your children? shameful. i'd say it's you thats interested in a "harder fuk". its really awesome you are abandonning your children and looking after yourself. because it really doesn't go with the selfish male stereotype at all. so good for you for looking after yourself. good for you.
If these statistics are true, there's not much to agree/disagree (concerning past comments). I think these facts are really helpful and parents should really consider what comes after marriage before they start making decisions. My parents got divorced two years ago when I was 14, and I fought with my mother about it just this morning. Her parents divorced as well, and more than once. I am just as determined to get past the divorce as my parents are, but that doesn't mean I haven't been negatively affected by it, and it doesn't necessarily mean I'll be able to completely move on. I'm mad at my parents for refusing to reform themselves before running away from a problem I believe could have been avoided, and now I don't think I'll get married for fear of ruining the lives of any children I have. From my experience, divorce is NOT just about making sure your child knows both parents love him/her. My parents used to think that's all it was; my unhappiness wasn't about me at all, but the fact that they split up. (I might just be an exception, though, because my parents rarely fought.) Depending on the situation, I think parents should also work on maintaining/establishing an at least somewhat good relationship with their ex, if they really believed about doing what's best for their child. Of course, that's not always the case. Children will most likely be more affected by divorce if they're older, because younger ones won't be able to fully comprehend what their parents are going through. So those who are claiming their young children aren't affected- that doesn't necessarily make you right, it just makes you another statistic. And just because the child isn't affected now, doesn't mean he/she won't be affected later on in their life. Only time will tell. If they remain happy, that's a good sign; you skipped past a negative lifestyle that was statistically likely to happen. Whether you like the article or not, divorce isn't something anyone should look forward to.
relax... you are not responsible for the stupidity of your parents. You are not even responsible for who your parents are, or why its them. Lead your life, get school, meet a girl, date her (there should be a law requiring people to date each other for a year before they can get married and start a family), and then you will see that love, family is amazing. There is no reason why you will not succeed if you chose a right person. Afterall, you know how painful it can be - but just chose the right person. Also you must make a call - who was the more guilty one in the divorce fight. Who passed the line of no return first.
I don't know if I agree with this article. I grew up with parents who spent as long as I can remember on the edge of a divorce and were trying to stay together for us kids. It just meant though that much of what I remember of my home situation for years was screaming matches, and they told me everytime it was my fault. My fault that their marraige was falling apart. So now, Im kind of conditioned to believe that kids are the end of marraige, and you know what, I don't know if I ever want a family.
thats so sad! you know what, your parents probably said that out of anger. Just because your parents didnt get along doesnt mean all parents dont!, there are many parents, families that are happy, you shouldnt not want to have a family just because of your past. It really sucks that your parents said that to you and that they didnt get along, but it doesnt always have to be that way. Your parents probably just needed someone to blame, they blamed you, but the actual reasons were themselves, not you. i know families with like 6 kids nd there perfectly happy, just because your parents werent, does not mean that you wont be too. You are a different person, and there different, it might work for you.
Val and Nick - I totally agree with you both! This article is ridculous!! I already commented once, but the more I read the responses the more mad I get. My son is 4 years old and he is perfectly happy. The split between his dad and I occurred 5 months ago and it was neither of our faults! Life happens! I have my son most of the time, but only because his dad has to work full time. His dad is an awesome dad and takes him whenever he can, even if he is tired after work he always asks if he can take our son to the park so that he gets to spend time with him. Our son knows the split was mommy and daddy's problem and not his. We told him that over and over and he totally gets it yes, even at 4!!! My son's dad never bad mouths me and I never bad mouth him which is THE KEY!!! We choose to pit our ego's and rare anger aside and we work as a team for the happiness of our son. It is not about us. It is about our son! People need to grow up! I was the product of divorced parents and I was glad they split! We were all much happier because of it! Life is full of choices people!! You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable! It is that simple! And I don't want to hear the I don't understand because there could be alcohol issues, physical abuse issues etc. I had that growing up and guess what? Get over it move on! Go to therapy! I did! Be happy! Yes it takes hard work, but it is possible! P.S. Nick kudos to you for stepping up for your son. I am so lucky that my son has the dad he has!
Garbielle, I understand you think divorce doesn't affect children and to admit that it does would mean to admit that somehow your parents divorce affected you. But my question is - how has it affected your view of marriage and marriage relationships? If we say in our vows that we pledge to remain married until death do us part- then life happens and we get divorced - could the fact that our parents divorced have influenced the way we view marriage - it is something to give up on and the vows don't really mean until death?
Well Done! It has been well documented that it is not the divorce that has damaging effects on kids, but the arguments and conflict that so often surround the divorce. The change can be a shock, but usually has no lasting consequences, provided the child has good parents and a good relationship with them. So keep away from conflict, and kids will be fine!
umm, “Gabrielle”, i am 15 and my parents are in the middle of a divorce. they have been married 21 years, and i never expected they would even consider seperating. They both cheated on each other. You need to shut your mouth, seriously. People work differently. I have been depressed ever since i got the news they where getting a seperation, and i am trying to get over it, but it is hard. It is hard to get over, and you do NOT need to be bitchy and totally make fun of people who cannot get over a divorce, so you can just shut the fuck up, thank you. My parents where very happy, and I thank you for taunting divorce, bitch. seriously? wow. you should feel ashamed. oh and im so happy that you have a wonderful ex husband. hahahaha. maybe you should remarry because it sure seems that you are obsessed. anyways, you should seriously consider being thoughtful of other peoples emotions, thanks.
yes... classic stupid divorced woman approach. lets pretend that there are no problems. of course you have left your husband to be happy, as you did not love him, and most likely you earned more than him, after say 5 years of a marriage, and now you cannot believe that your kids due to your egoism are 8 times more likely to committ suicicde. Yes the statistics are ridiculous. Fake. I mean do you know that there are 3billion ameicans, and only 100m chinese in the world? YES THEY ARE LYING TO YOU THAT CHINA IS THE BIGGEST COUNTRY. IT IS NOT!!! If you were little bit less egoistic. Your kids will one day turn around... and hate you.
Why would you get married and have a kid in the first place if you weren't really happy!!! Think about the decisions you make! And by the way... China does have the most amount of people in the world... 1/6 of the earths population. Faggot.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'D FUCKING DIVORCE THIS 'JOHN SMITH' IN 3 SECONDS, BASED ON THE FACT HE APPEARS TO HAVE ONE F*CKING FUNCTIONNING BRAIN CELL.
This is the most retarded article in the universe
This article really bothers me. I have a 4 year old son, six months ago his mom gave up all her rights to him. I try to get her to take him as much as she can (or wants.) she finally agreed to take him every other weekend. She also calls everyday to talk to him. We were never married but were together until after his first birthday. I personally haven't dated anyone since then. I've pretty much takin a back seat relationship wise but she on the other hand has dated numerous guys. I'm a great father and support my son 110%. All these post seem really sexest to me! The article itself seems to refer to single mothers. Not all broken families end in the man leaving. Just sick of everyone fussing about their fathers. My son loves me and is healthy and happy. Happier than he would be if his mom and I were together. He's 4 years old and has a 6 year iq level. He's outgoing, respectful, picks up after himself, everything a child would do with both parents and then some. Divorce happens!!!! It's not always the mans fault. If theirs problems it's both the parents faults. Stop the blame game and grow up! Wanna comment me e-mail me at
address@removed. Comments like the ones above were either brain washed or never heard the real truth from their parents.My parents divorced when I was 2 years old and although I have never had a great relationship with my father, I am still a very well adjusted, successful woman with a husband and daughter of my own. My parents are polar opposites. It's hard to believe they were every married in the first place. Sometimes people grow apart and it's okay. Sometimes life is messy. It's better to separate amicably, rather than stay together hating one another, and your child grow up thinking that's what "love and marriage" are. I believe that the reason divorces turn ugly is because communication between the spouses stops. If you make your children the most important factor in the situation, there should not be any reasons of why they will not grow up KNOWING they're loved, and that it has nothing to do with them, or they're relationship with each parent. For those of you, who's fathers or mothers moved several hundred miles away, that has nothing to do with the act of divorce. That is a character flaw in your mother or father. If my husband and I were to ever separate, I am confident in the fact that our daughter is the most important thing to each of us and that we would go out of our way, above and beyond, no matter how difficult it may be, to make her feel absolutely loved and cared for by the both of us. The parents have a responsibility to their children. Not to stay together, but to be happy, and to set an example. My mother never re-married and never ever has said a negative comment to me regarding marriage, men, divorce, relationships, whatever. For parents reading this, contemplating divorce, or who worry about their children, I promise you, making them more important than any other petty crap that would, and will come into play, will ensure they feel well loved and will grow up well adjusted.
Well personally, I do come from a divorced family. My parents got divorced when I was 7 years old and I must say it was devastating. I think the effects of divorce varies from person to person. Some people suffer a lot more from it than others. My sister for example, ever since the divorce she suffers from eating disorders and is constantly going to therapy. She is always depressed and has a pretty bad relationship with my dad. On the other hand, I didn't suffer from any disorders. I went to divorce therapy sessions for a while but that was it. The only thing that bothered me was that I didn't have a good relationship with my dad. And that our family wasn't whole. Sure I would rather there be a divorce than a horrible family that argued all the time. But the fact that I don't have a dad in my life still hurts. SO I guess it just goes back to choosing wisely who you marry.
I believe that we humans have a tendency to play the victim role. Bad things happen all the time to people and we have a choice to either get help, look inward and help oursleves or sit with what has been done to you and play the victim. I am not saying that kids ar enot affected by divorce but as parents I feel the focus should be more about building kids self esteem and and self worth up in our children. We tend not to focus on how many of us are walking around damaged goods becasue we have no self love and no tools to cope with change. The truth is that life offers no gaurantees and is constantly changing, that is the one thign I know for sure. We are all walking around doing the best we know how with what we have and sometimes it just isn't much or enough. Do I want to stay in a relationship and be miserable and teach my kids that they should sacrifice themselves for others? No that is not the message I want to teach but instead to be able to disern when you are being a door mat vs. loving and caring for another human in a healthy fashion. We have a tendency to not be able to find our own voices and strength. If we are not taking responsibility for our own lives today, then who will and who will teach our kids to stand up and not live in fear of what others will think? Who? We have to eveolve...
I agree with you. Is better to get out of an abusive relationship then have our kids live through that violence and constant disrespect, so when they grow up they don't think that is okay to act like that with their wifes. Is better to give them a better peaceful place to live in.
I don't think people should stay in bad marriages but I don't think divorce should be taken lightly at all. My mother divorced my father because he was an abusive alcoholic. To be honest I cannot tell you if it would have been better to grow up with my father as a role model... what I learned from the divorce is that I never want to be like my dad. Still, my parents divorced when I was ten and I had a lot of emotional disturbances due to it. Do I take pitty on myself? Absolutely not. However, I can honestly say that the divorce had an extremely negative impact on my childhood development. One of the biggest factors is that my mother couldn't afford to send me to college and my father wasn't interested in helping me. I don't blame my mother for divorcing my father, she had a very tough decision to make in doing so. However, I will say that the circumstances were extreme. If my parents had merely argued all the time I would have been fine with that. However, my father was an emotionally abusive drunk. My point is that divorce is VERY damaging to a child's psychology and simply arguing with your wife or husband is NOT a good enough reason to get a divorce.
Wow, this is extremely helpful. Not the article so much as the comments. I am currently in a psychologically abusive marriage and thinking of divorce. We have two small children and being from a broken home myself I am very anxious about getting a divorce. My parent's divorce was probably one of the worst things that ever happened to me as I can attribute anything bad that ever happened to have come from it. I really don't want to do that to my kids, but I also don't want them to have to deal with the same torment that I do by staying in this relationship. But, who's to say that it won't just be worse when I'm not around to control the situation when he has visitation. I'd rather take the blow than either of them. It is such a difficult decision to make. If anyone reading this has any advice I'd be more than happy to hear it. I want to be strong and stand up for what I know is right, but I also want to be able to protect my kids as much as possible.
I don't know what state you live in but I know in Illinois domestic violance is child abuse. And DCFS can and will remove your children from the home. So if you have a way out, I would use it.
I posted above but I came from a situation like yours. My father was extremely emotionally abusive. I am very close to my mother and thus I suppose I've always favored her side. What I really learned from her divorcing my father is that I should never be like him. However, I am one person and everybody is different. I am glad my mother divorced my father because, even though the divorce was extremely hard on me, I didn't grow to accept the way he treated my mom. It is a hard decision and you certainly do not seem to be approaching it casually. Tell your husband that things have to change, you need to see a counselor together. If you've already tried that and he has refused or has not changed then a divorce may be necessary. Remember that if your children see him abuse you the way he does and if you allow him to continue to do it then they will learn that it is okay to treat someone like that. Stand up to your husband and do not back down. If you fear he will be physically violent or if he has been then YES divorce him.
Thanks Rick. Since originally posting this we have been going to counseling and it has helped tremendously! No, he never was and I don't/didn't fear he would ever be physically abusive, he would just say things that would be very hurtful and demeaning. Since counseling though, he's realized that these comments are extremely inappropriate and has stopped. ( I don't know how he didn't think they were...) Well, anyway. I would highly recommend counseling to anyone considering divorce, it really helps when you get to the point where you can't be civil with each other anymore.
I would highly recomend counseling too, I'm in a marriage that was about to end in dibvorce but by the time I had a 15 year old daughter (you know those difficult years)I decided not to divorce because even though my husband was difficult he had no addictions, he was a good hard working man, responsible, a good dad, and he loved me. we talked about me wanting to divorce, we went to counseling, and he made up a compromise to try his best to be an understanding and better husband. life is life, he is more understanding, still has his pros and cons as I have mine but we both love each other, we think our children are importand. people out there is very egoist they only think about themselves at that moment, besides, divorcing is esier than trying to save a marriage. Do they ever think in how their children feel. I decided if he wouldn't try I had not more to think about and divorce but not without giving my children a real chance. we have allways been a happy couple, now we have a better marriage and a happy and healthy family.
I recently saw a lawyer about a divorce and am not going to feel GUILTY about leaving because of the negative effects it will have on my son. I feel that in my son's mere 6-years of life he's seen enough of this NEGATIVE relationship. Staying in an unhealthy relationship will only teach my son 1) To Resent his father; 2) That it's okay to treat others badly; 3) Unhealthy relationship patterns. I want my son to know what it's like to have a HEALTHY and HAPPY relationship and will never happen in this household with my husband. My son does not see his parents hug or kiss (unless it's forced) we don't talk, as my husband can NEVER discuss anything because of course " I " am always wrong or being a 'bitch'. My husband is ALL about himself and my son and I are obsticles in his life. He has no respect for for or my son. He will walk into the room and just turn the tv to whatever HE wants to watch no matter if my son or I am watching something. He's shiftless and sits on the couch all night! I think my son will be a happier child in the long run if we separate ourselves from this negative relationship. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!
My son is 4 years old and his dad and I split about 3 months ago. His dad and I lived in separate bedrooms since he was two. His dad would come home from work and play with him for a few minutes and then just watch t.v. until it was time to go to bed. His dad and I either did not talk at all or fight when we did. We "woke up" and realized it was no way to raise our son and the tension in the house was clearly affecting him. We went to a counselor for the sole purpose to figure out the best way to help our son deal with the split. It was the best thing we ever did! If the other spouse won't go, I really recommended going by yourself. We only went twice. My ex and I agreed to never bad mouth each other and support each other's discipline. I know most people can't do this because the relationship is so crappy, but if you can please do!!! It has been 4 months now and our son is really really happy the first month was really hard, the second got better, and now he is happy and adjusted. We both talked to him a lot and said, us not living togehter was are grown-up problem and DID not have anything to do with him (over and over). HIs dad spends tons of quality time with him now and so do I. My 4 year old said the other day, "Mommy, I am glad you and daddy don't fight anymore." So yes, maybe many kids are forever scarred by divorce, but I think if you can force yourselves to put your kid first, they can come out ok. Trust both our tongues still bleed once in awhile from biting them, but our son never notices.
I am with you on this one. I am nolonger with the father of my 2 children, and its the best thing I had ever done. I got sick of being a slut while he cheated.
you did the right thing,no child should see abuse or they will repeat it.Be at peaace and God bless you.I got out of a verbally abusive marriage 3 years ago and so glad I did.I am healing and feel so much better.My thoughts are the child will be in a better place.Sure we hate divorce but I think abuse is worse than divorce.Time can heal divorce but in abuse nobody can heal....
I resented my father more after the divorce and I can't say I've ever fully felt at peace inside. Perhaps the grass is always greener on the other side but I often wish my father would've had an issue that my mother could have fought against rather than being an abusive drunk. I'm sorry if I come off as insensitive but please, for your son's sake, think really hard before getting a divorce. If your husband is abusive that's one thing but if the two of you just fight I a lot and he is rude and insensitive then for my two cents, I would rather have grown up with a rude and insensitive dad than come from a broken home.
These statements are shocking but true. My parents got a divorce when i was 9, and I've hated every day since. Now I think of telling my mother that i would rather live with my dad full time, but I am scared what she will say, i hate my life now that i have two, because every time i leave the other house i change into a different person, i wish people would try to work things out more, i know when im older i will try my hardest.
I am from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was 15. I have 3 sisters and two brothers. I am 50 years old now and still remember. Our entire family was destroyed. My older sister severily emotionaly unstable. Another sister married and they fought constantly. She became an alcoholic. Another married at 15 and is now divorced and the kids have been in trouble with the law ever since their dad has been gone. I myself went through a drug and alcohol rehab center at age 24. My youngest brother is in a penatintuary in New Mexico for involuntary man slaughter and arson. I have two kids a daughter 17 and a son 13. My wife just filed for a divorce a month ago. I do not want it. I know what damage it done to my family. I am unable to communicate with her because of a restraining order. I can not see my kids for an entire year. I have been with her for 21 years and have never touched her. I do not abuse the kids. I love them all they are my life. I have been in turmoil ever since. We have been through hell together. I made one bad mistake and just like that its over. I have never been able to talk to her this whole time. I only wish there was some way I could tell her that I love her and the kids dearly. And try to talk her out of it. It will destroy all of us.
I agree with what that says, my parents divorced when i was 4, my dad quickly re married and left us for a state almost 300 miles away and by law we had to see him every other weekend, even though we are used to it its still hard.
I agree with what that says, my parents divorced when i was 4, my dad quickly re married and left us for a state almost 300 miles away and by law we had to see him every other weekend, even though we are used to it its still hard.
i agree! i myself am living with out my father. my father is an alcholic, so honestly.. i am very glad he is not part of my life. i even see how my mother strugles to do things for my sister & i. my mother has kidney cancer and wont be here much longer, which makes me angry at my father.
I work in Marriage Ministry and will be doing a workshop on Holidays in December. Children of Divorce could you please help me out by giving me insight into what worked as fair as celebrating the holidays with your divorced families. What was some of the best and worst arrangements? Thanks for your help. Our goal and passion is to eliminate as much pain and sadness in today's COD as possible. Your experience may help another. Thanks again!
I think that looking at the stats on teh negative effects of a divorce to children without considering the negative effects of remaining married to an alcoholic or an abusive spouseparent is unfair. Of course children are better off with two loving parents who are not substance abusers and who are skilled communicators is best. But, we do not live in a perfect world. I grew up with 2 parents. The terrible role model of an alcoholic father who was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive and of a mother who allowed it to continue led me to 3 bad marriages of my own-- the last with 3 beautiful children who I want to protect from the same legacy. Now, I am faced with the choice of staying with an alcoholic or allownig him to put my 3 kids into his car and drink and drive with them every Saturday. Not a choice most of us would like to face. Had my mother been able to send my father packing when I was young, I would have learned a lesson about strenth and NOT allowing a drunk to mistreat me instead of the crazy tools of how to deal with it and perpetuate the misery. There are too many variables to look only at the lower economic status or other effects of kids from a divorced home without considering that the poison that comes from that negative person in their lives before AND after the divorce. Unfortunately, divorcing the drunk doesn't make him evaporate-- Most courts will still allow him liberal visitation and not even require a breathalizer on his car. The negative behavior will continue to impact the kids even after the divorce. So, it isn't the divorce that causees the psychological problems-- it is the drunk!
I think that looking at the stats on the negative effects of a divorce to children without considering the negative effects of remaining married to an alcoholic or an abusive spouse/parent is not fair. Of course children are better off with two loving parents who are not substance abusers and who are skilled communicators is best. But, we do not live in a perfect world. I grew up with 2 parents. The terrible role model of an alcoholic father who was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive and a mother who allowed it to continue led me into 3 bad marriages of my own-- the last with 3 beautiful kids. Now, I am faced with the choice of staying with an alcoholic or allowing him to put my 3 kids into his car every Saturday. Not a choice most of us would like to face. Had my mother been able to send my father packing when I was young, I would have learned a lesson about strenth and NOT allowing a drunk man to mistreat me. There are too many variables to look only at the lower economic status or other effects of kids from a divorced home without considering that the poison that comes from that negative person in their lives before AND after the divorce. Unfortunately, divorcing the drunk won't make him evaporate-- most courts will still allow him liberal visitation and not require a breathalizer on his car. His nagative behavior will continue to impact kids even after the divorce. So, it isn't the divorce that causes the psychological problems-- it is the drunk!
...it is not the point to try and save a bad marriage...the point is to CHOOSE CAREFULLY with whom you have children with
I'm 14 years old and my parents are going through the process of a divorce, and instead of all that negative stuff it says that happens to children i've seen quite the oppisite happen to my family. My siblings and I are closer than ever and we really rely on each other for support. I help out my little brother more with his homework and he has made it into the ALL program (an advanced school) my little sister is in a divorce group for kids at her school and now has made many more friends. Yes money is really really tight now and yes my siblings and I will never grow up with a father supporting us, but now we wont have to hear our parents fighting all the time and we wont have to deal with the abuse my father would always afflict on us. In most ways I think the divorce has strengthened my family while splitting it apart. I really only wish my mom had a better life now. She is stressed with our financial issue and is now working tedious jobs to support our family and have the same holiday hours as we do for school. I love my mom so much more because of the divorce and I respect her because she is such a strong women with a very loving heart and I know she would do anything for my little brother and sister and I.
In addition, when both parents come to the mutual decision to divorce it is always better. The one leaving needs to do whatever is necessary to not only reconcile, but make sure the other spouse wants it as well. I did not have a choice, I did not want my divorce, nor did our kids. Our divorce was a selfish decision by one man. I think it is sad that it takes two people to create a relationship, but only one to end it.
I have read the statistics and can relate. My husband divorced me and we have 4 children. I have seen them go from healthy, wonderful children to argumenatative, rude, and they fight amongst each other more. I think the key to divorce is it must be a last resort and better for "everyone" involved. In the two happy kids I read about, life before was hard for even them and then life got better. Most parents cannot divorce and be better. I know I went from a stable home to not knowing how to pay bills, that puts stress on the kids. I think that is where kids end up okay vs. not okay. I only hope my kids will be okay, but I don't see it happening.
That is really close (coming form a child that's been through a parents divorce) I am now 23 years old my parents divorced when I was young real young. I remembered they would fight all the time and my father would beat us but never to the point where I would have scars well im speaking for my self I have a older brother and a older sister. Yes my father did drink alot and stayed home all day and smoked alot as well. when my parents where together I remember my father throwing me up in the air and playing soft ball in the back yard. God I miss those days, its true from a son's point of view, hes father is hes idol to look up to no matter how bad he is. It tore me apart when the split happened and I always thought it was my fault. As time went on I felt like I didn't have a "home" going from my moms to my dads and I still do feel that today. As far as seeing my father I don't, not anymore. My mother remarried to a person that has never been a father before. The first year was alright but got worse after that. It got to the point where my mother was going to break up again and I was ok with it, I was used to it, not having a father there at all. We moved to a other state across the U.S. because my step father had a job transfer. When I found out that day that we where moving I started getting stomach ulcers and I throw up. I do have learning disabilities and have a speech problem(don't understand how that relates to parents divorces but I have it). School was really tough, I couldn't keep up on the work so I was forced everyday to stay in at lunch(this was from 3rd-5th grade) and worked on the work that I didn't finish. I felt islolated from everyone and at first I hated it but as time went by I felt protected and didn't talk to anyone at school or when I was home. I just stayed in the basment and played computer games. when I moved and went into high school I played sports. I played football my first year of high school and didn't like it. so I tried cross country and track and field, I loved them both but I still didn't talk to people that much. I always thought that people would talk behind my back, always... sorry for the long message I just wanted to get some things off my chest because this is a serious issue for me =(. I do hope to god if anyone my age right now have children and thinking of a divorce you better think it out real good because your children are going to pay the real price not you but if you and the father or mother cant work it out please for the love of god let them see them don't take them away from them.
i am a senior in high school, i am an A and B student. i am healthy and happy and i am proud to say that i am from a broken home. my mom and dad were unhappy. and took it out on everyone else. if you are in a conflict ridden home, it is not a home, it is a building to sleep in, not even protection sometimes. i was mentally abused by my dad and physically (until the age of 7) and mentally abused by my mom as well. i would have to tell any one in this world, staying together is NOT alwyas an option. it can create MORE psychological problems for children than a divorce could. i have been happy since the day they divorced. the day they told us, was the happiest day of my life and i knew it was for the better. when they split, all the abuse stopped. they both became parents and even though they still argue, they are better than they were together. the affects of a divorce depend on which side you are looking from. if it is a happy home, no conflict, then dont get divorce for the simple reason that you are not attracted to that person. you made your bed and you need to lie in it. however, if all you do is fight and argue, dont stay "just for the kids", it will 1) make them think it is their fault and they will think that if they leave, it will stop. i know that from expirience; and 2) make their life a living hell, they wont want to be home, they will get into things they shouldnt just because they feel that all they have are friends so they are easily pressured into to doing things. either that or they will have sex in order to become pregnant and be able to get approval of marriage just so they can leave. my stepmom did that. not out of promiscuity, but because she felt that there was no way out other than to get married and in order t odo that at a young age, she had to have been pregnant because of her parents. so many bad things can happen if a disgruntled and conflicted marriage remains intact and doesnt seperate.
While i do understand that divorcing from an abusive, dangerous, or mentally unstable marrige is probably the best option; People should not divorce just because they think it is an easy way out. I come from a divorced family, my parents divorced because my father was acting like "a two year old" so my mother says. My brother and i just came home from school one day to find my dad packing his stuff. If you feel the need to divorce talk to your children, let them tell you how they feel about it. It may change your mind or push you to work harder to save your marriage. Not all marriages can be saved but at least the kids will have some say in a decision that will effect the corse of the rest of thier lives. Its not easy watching the people who brought you into the world fall into diffrent paths. You chose the person you married, not your children.
The statistics are forgetting to relate the problems caused by staying in an abusive home. My personal experience is that raising my children in the home before my devorse was much, much more stressful on my children. Threats were a daily matter.... I couldn't imagine what staying there would have done to my children! Possibly, the results could have been that of my step-aunt, who lost her son to suicide resulting from an abusive father. There are serious consequences for staying in specific marriages, and I wouldn't emphasize anti-devorce so stongly as the message could be taken by the wrong reader. I truely believe the rates of devorce are raising because women are finally in a position that they can stand up for themselves. Granted, I do realize there are devorces for materialistic and unfortunate matters.
true.. it would be interesting to read that too, as you are right that you are comparing bikes to ferraris, and not bikes to cars. for most of the divorced couples, happy marriage is simply not the option they have.
I do not tihnkg a family should stay together if they do not want to just to avoid a divorce. This is not necessarily easier than a divorce.
I am from a divorced home. My parents divorced when I was a year old. I dont remember having my parents live in the same home. My dad did get remarried again and so did my mom three times after she divorced my dad. My second stepdad hated children and made my life hell. I was sixteen when she married him and my stepmom wasnt much better to me growing up. My first stepdad was great, he always did things with me and made me feel that I was part of the family. I cried when my mom divorced him. My dad has been with my stepmom for almost thirty years now and my mom is single again. I am now an adult who is married with two small children. My husband and I have been together for fourteen years and going to celebrate our ten year wedding anniversery. I made a promise to myself when I got married to to everything it takes to make my marriage work for not only myself but for my kids. I dont want my children to go through what I did growing up as a child. It was hard for myself and my older brother. It was not fun to be bounced back and forth between two parents. A person does need to look deep into the reprocutions of divorce. Especialy if there are children. When a couple takes a vow infront of God to take your spouse for better or worse, they should not take it lightly.
I am also from a home with divorced parents, and you know what? I am in my third year of college, have no psychological problems, have had no broken bones, don't suffer from headaches, and am perfectly happy. Would you rather be from a home where the parents are happily divorced, or a home where the parents are unhappily married and fighting all the time. To me, I choose the first because hearing your parents fight is the worst feeling you will ever have.
This is correct. KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE ALIVE, WHATEVER IT TAKES!!! I know because I am from a broken home.
That seems pretty true to me. I had to go through two divorces as of now. When I was 9 my mom and dad divorced without warning and my dad moved away in only 3 days. After that, my life changed in so many ways. I still was able to see my dad and had to go through a lot with him. He married 4 years later just after he got back together with his exgirlfriend. That shocked me greatly. After my dad was married to my former step mom for 2 years they divorced. I remember walking into my dad's house and almost everything was gone. I knew something had happened even before my dad told my brother and I the devastating news. 2 weeks later my dad started to go out with a new girlfriend. They slept together on the first night I met her. After about 2 months of dating they each told me that they were having a baby. My father had really screwed up his life and mine that time. About 8 months later they got engaged. My baby brother had been born and I was 16 years older than him. Three months later my dad's fiance moved away without even telling any of us. She also took my baby brother. In one night she moved everything away, but her family probably helped. She hasn't gotten in touch with my dad or my brother and I. I may never see her or my half brother again. What really makes me sad is that when my dad offered to give her my phone number just to talk to my brother or myself she said no.
very sad but interesting story. your dad made a mistake. he had you as a family, and he should have kept at that. no need for another family, especially as he has not lost you. he should have fuked around, slept with all the girls he wanted, but never made a mistake of forming another family, not at least when you and your brother are out of the house on your own. my father did that. i respect him for that. i never had the dramas you mention, though the result is similar.