Narcissism, Oh Narcissism: Why Did You have to Enter My Life, Narcissism?

Do you ever feel like shouting out that question because you’re married to a man who probably suffers from pathological levels of narcissism? I know I did. Sure, in the beginning, it was easy to provide the adulation that my husband needed. I used to feel so fortunate he was in my life, after all. But as the problems escalated, it seemed unauthentic and destructive to reinforce behaviors I found distasteful that coexisted with his narcissism–such as addictions and abuse.

Sadly, while the grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy associated with unhealthy narcissism are all challenging enough to deal with, narcissism often doesn’t stand alone in the individual. Perhaps, like me, you’ve discovered it often coexists with addictions and abuse. (Certainly, not all alcoholics, addicts, and abusive men are narcissistic, but many narcissists are inclined to exhibit addictions and abusive behaviors).

When you are dealing with narcissism, addictions, and abuse, it is difficult to know how to cope. Some women develop unhealthy or self destructive ways to do so. I hope you can avoid doing that, however.

Avoid this Unhealthy Way of Dealing with his Narcissism, Addictions, and Abuse

Yes, let’s talk about one way you definitely want to avoid dealing with your spouse’s narcissism, addictions, and abuse. Do you have any idea what I am about to say? Well, you definitely do not want to drink or drug along with your spouse.

So, does he expect you to sit down and drink with him, and does it seems easier to go along? After all, none of us like those narcissistic rages. But while he might believe you have nothing better to do than accompany him while he chooses to make a downward slide into oblivion, that truly isn’t the case.

You need to be looking out for yourself. After all, he doesn’t care if he takes you down with him. He is narcissistic, remember.

Perhaps it seems like an innocent enough activity. You won’t get hooked. He is the alcoholic or addict, not you. And you don’t have something like an unhealthy level of narcissism driving you to seek refuge in an addiction. Really, what could possibly be the problen here? you might want to ask.

Codependency or Being Codependent Might Make You Prone to Psychological Addiction

No, but you might be suffering from something else that could prove problematic. Indeed, you might well be dealing with unrecognized codependency. It might make you susceptible to psychological reliance upon alcohol or drugs, and especially if you are struggling with a great deal of emotional pain associated with your husband’s narcissism, addictions, and abuse.

Are you wondering what gives me cause to say this?

Well, I suspect you could have been attracted to, then married your husband, despite the fact some red flags were waving–flags that hinted at his narcissism, addictions, and abusive ways. Other women who did not have issues with codependency probably would have spotted them. They would have stayed away from him, too.

Let me try to be clearer about what I’m trying to say. If you are codependent, you might be suffering from a poor sense of self. This doesn’t mean that you are not a capable woman. You can be successful in your career, for example, and still not have a good sense of who you are, your unique abilities, what could really make your heart sing, and your purpose in life. You might be very good at discerning what others want and giving it to them, however. But because you are not turning within and honoring who your are, but are so busy focusing outward instead, you might experience feelings of emptiness when you aren’t lost in life’s dramas–such as those associated with your husband’s narcissism, addictions, and abuse.

See, you likely look to others, situations, and things for a better sense of self or to provide your life with meaning. And this could be the case because you suffer from childhood wounds. Perhaps you were abused, neglected, or suffered abandonment by one or more or your caregivers?

What I’m saying is this: You might have been attracted to your seemingly successful narcissistic husband because he did appear to have his act together, and you wanted someone like this to be with. Whether it was conscious or not, you probably were looking to this relationship to bolster your sense of identity and worth.

I suspect your husband might have been charming and made you feel special–at least initially? In fact, he might have put you on a pedestal. But you’re no longer sitting there, are you? You’re suffering his narcissistic rages with their accompanying verbal abuse and emotional abuse instead, aren’t you?

It is because of the emotional pain you’re in that you lament the problems his narcissism has brought into your life. But your emotional pain puts you at risk of becoming psychologically addicted if you elect to drink or drug with your spouse.

He has psychological issues he is not dealing with in a healthy way. He is allowing his narcissism to control his life–and it is controlling yours as well. You allow this to go on because of your codependency. You must deal with it in a healthy way. Becoming an alcoholic, drug addict, or some other type of addict is not the answer.

Your Self Development and Spiritual Growth Might be the Ultimate Benefit of having Dealt with His Narcissism, Addictions, and Abuse

Perhaps you feel you are drowning in the problems his narcissism, addictions, and abuse are creating for you. Don’t try to drown them out with chemicals or other compulsive behaviors such as shopping constantly. Decide that you are going to start trying to tackle your own issues. Decide that his narcissism, addictions, and abuse are going to become your impetus to self development and something else you could probably benefit from too, and that is spiritual growth.

Spiritual growth doesn’t have to do with religion and religiosity. Rather, it involve turning inward and recognizing that you are connected to a source or power higher than yourself or your own ego. It is about coming to know who you really are, embracing your unique gifts, and allowing those to come forth through enbracing your personal power versus allowing others–such a spouse with his narcissistic and abusive ways–to define and control you.

Remember, your husband might choose to try and escape the problems associated with his narcissism, addictions, and abusive ways hrough misuse of substances You don’t have to go along, however. And certainly, you, your husband, and your children will be better off if you don’t.

If you embrace the path of self development and spiritual growth as the solution to your personal emottional pain instead, you may one day be grateful that this man with his narcissism, addictions, and abusive ways entered your life after all. But it won’t be for the reasons you were once attracted by the false self of someone afflicted with unhealthy levels of narcissism, I can assure you that.